you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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