she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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