i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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