I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
