i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
