M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
