We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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