I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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