The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
