my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
