theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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