I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
