I'm so fucking centered right now
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
