My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
