just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
