i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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