You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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