I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
