Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
