Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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