Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
