***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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