Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
