I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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