i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
