The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
