New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
