So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
