I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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