Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
