soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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