let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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