What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
