Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's get the cat blown out
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
