We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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