You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
