I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
