If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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