Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
