I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
