I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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