i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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