I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize