As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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