Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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