I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
