drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
