you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
