; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize