Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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