There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
