Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
