he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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