she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
