did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
