sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize