i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
