Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
