I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also, beer. Big fan.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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