guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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