sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
