before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
