i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Terrible idea I love it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
