I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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