it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
