just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
