Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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