i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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