i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
