He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
