I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
