ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
