This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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