Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
