giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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