My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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