i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
